A New Fish Gets Burned

Lately there’s been a lot of people moving into the area here in nutjob hills. As far as I can tell so far, most of them are ordinary enough (for around here that is) and of course, few if any have ever encountered anyone quite like Mr. Helpful.

You can probably imagine the reaction of some poor innocent soul to their first encounter with him. He can, after all, be “a bit much” even for a seasoned pro that’s dealt with him for years. Total newbies freshly moved in are wide open and have no idea what they’re doing when they ask him about anything.

Such is the case with one of these newbies that moved in last week. He’s got a few relatively minor health problems and he’s into health foods and such as his preferred way to treat those problems. That’s all fine and dandy. The bad (for him) part came the other day when I ran into him at the local mini-mall-ish-thing.

We got to talking and in the course of our conversation he was talking about some of his problems and the healthy foods & natural supplements that he uses to treat them. Little did I know that Mr. Helpful had approached behind me and had heard some of that part of the conversation. It took him less than a minute to completely overpower our conversation and launch into a full scale diet supplement review, covering every known dietary supplement that could possibly be useful for this guy’s problems. (I know what that kind of thing is like, he’s done it to me about weight loss supplements a few times.)

After a few minutes of this I excused myself and left. Partly because I knew that the guy was going to be trapped for a hour or more and partly because I didn’t want Mr Helpful to notice that I was standing there and start in on me.

The next time I saw him I found out that Mr Helpful had done his level best to analyze the guy’s problem and suggest no less than forty two different supplements to be taken according to a complicated schedule for seven weeks. The only problem is that some of those “supplements” aren’t exactly appealing, or easy to get.

To illustrate that, one of them was nightcrawlers that would have to be shipped in live from Maine and then put through a food processor, mixed with three raw eggs. At this point the hapless victim was expected to drink the whole concoction cold…. three times a day for seven weeks!

[Tags]ugh, weird, humor, nutjob hills, nutjob, mr helpful[/tags]

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