Category: nutjob hills

I honestly wonder when the “Bob Rumors” will ever stop. Especially since the alleged “reason” for them has long since ceased to be even remotely valid.

I heard another one recently in which the rumormonger in question insists that Bob has gone into the insurance business with a Mr. don allred. Now I don’t know anything about mr. allread however I do know a thing or six about Bob. Several of which add up to the fact that you’re never going to catch him doing the door to door thing.

Not only is it not his style, he’d wear himself out in just one block. Remember, given his much smaller size his legs are only about an inch long. It takes him 10 times as much energy and work to travel the same distance as a human.

Oh yeah, People forget don’t they.

Bob is a gerbil.

All I can say is, I certainly hope so.

Not exactly the normal response to word that somebody is “missing” is it? Well that’s because the potentially missing person is none other than Yoga guy himself.

This is the guy that moved in next door a few years ago and very quickly became infamous for wanting to do his yoga exercizes out on his front lawn at four a.m. with the loudest, most obnoxious, sleep depriving “music” anyone has ever had the misfortune to hear when trying to sleep.

This is the guy that could easily be the best customer in this area for musiciansfriend.com. He’s spent insane amounts of cash buying musical instruments and contraptions of every description and putting them to use, largely in the hands of people who wouldn’t know a musical note if it walked up and introduced itself.

Like I said, I hope he is missing.

I am beginning to think that this whole “lets start a rumor” thing has turned into some kind of game.

It’s gone far beyond the attempt at misdirection on the part of Bob’s kidnappers, continuing long after he’s been found. Why else would some wanna-be rumormonger insist that Bob has recently invested seventy million dollars in playground equipment in richmond va that he intends to have set up in a warehouse on the “bad” side of town.

Trust me, If Bob had that kind of cash he’d probably try to buy the rights to “Babes of Star Trek Gone Wild”. (or at least a group date with the female cast.)

If there was ever actually such a thing as a “born loser” then Harry would be it.

Not that I have anything against Harry. Quite the opposite, he’s a decent guy. He means well and he really tries his best but no matter how hard he tries, anything he has he will eventually lose.

Not only that but he is singularly incapable of finding what he’s looking for. If he’s searching for his glasses he’ll find absolutely everything in the house EXCEPT his glasses. The other day he was searching online looking for some blank DVDs and found health insurance rates instead. I mean each and every search he tried returned information about health insurance rates for the top twenty results.

This has plagued him all his life. As a kid he never found the prize in the cereal box. Though one time he did find some junk mail addressed to somebody in Pasadena and another time he found what looked like some used carburetor parts.

The day that he actually finds anything that he is looking for is thought by many to herald a sudden catastrophic drop in temperatures throughout all regions of Hell.

So I’m sitting in the Nutjob Hills Diner minding my own business, enjoying a great mug of coffee, when in walks a couple of yoga guy’s teen followers.

The snarfed up the table next to mine. They were talking about the recent rumor that yoga guy would be moving soon. One of them believe he would, the other did not.

He made it clear that one doesn’t just buy a new set of audio-technica headphones and then toss them in a box and haul ’em around like so much house clutter and that this means yoga guy is staying put. He went on to list a bunch of technical sounding but very likely bogus reasons why buying headphones like that is something that you don’t do when moving.

Personally I doubt seriously that buying headphones, even gold plated ones, would stop yoga guy from moving if that’s what he decided to do. If noting else he’d have them shipped to his new place.